Wyoming, Mars and aliens
This is an entry in Junior Dispatch’s alien short story contest. The effort earns the writer a free book from the York Emporium and a chance to win a $50 movie gift card and a $50 gift certificate from The York Emporium. Read the rules to the contest here, and get your story in by August 1.
By Christian R. Hetzer
Age 9, New Freedom
One day in a town in Wyoming everyone was happy. West, east, even downtown! Glory in the morning, no gloom in the afternoon, and bright light in the night.
It was just 12:30 in the morning and what they didn’t know is they’re having a few guests. They definitely live out of their town, state, country, continent, even their planet! If you want to know about them, keep reading!
They live on the planet Mars, which you know it is impossible to live on because the air is too thin, but these guys’ lungs smush all the thin air together making it thick. Anyway, the leader was showing his plan to his men about blowing up the planet Earth.
“This plan is so clever, so full proof that nothing, not even one puny earthling could stop me,” the leader said.
“Uh, boss?” Alien #1 said, “My mother once said that nothing is impossible.”
“Who cares about your mother?” the leader said.
“Um, I have to go to the bathroom,” Alien #2 said.
The leader just slapped his own face and said, “I can’t win around here but, I still have aliens 3-100.”
He turned to them and sighed. They were all playing ring-around-the-rosy with each other. The leader said, “STOP!” to all aliens 1-100. “If this plan is going to work, just PAY ATTENTION!”
“Uh, boss?” Alien #32 said. “It was alien #64’s idea.”
“Tattletale,” Alien #64 said to alien #32.
“Would you be quiet?!” Alien #13 said. “Pay attention to our leader!”
Well, the aliens kept blabbing on and on until 1:15 in the morning. That’s when they passed out.
“Finally!” the leader said. “The plan will work when alien #s 13, 32, and 64 get on their feet.”
Well, they didn’t get up until 1:17 in the morning.
Back in the town in Wyoming, one boy couldn’t sleep. “I’ll just look at the sky to help me sleep,” he thought.
So he looked at the sky right on Mars. Then he noticed a strange glow on the red planet. “I think I should stop,” he said. “Besides, my eyelids are already heavy.” So that boy went back to bed.
Well, morning arrived quickly and the aliens invading the planet decided to go with their plan that morning.
“First,” the leader said, “we should release attacker #1, the sporty because it’s the size of a baseball.”
So their leader asked alien #71 to launch the sporty. Fire! And attacker #1 was unleashed.
Meanwhile, there was a baseball game going on and the first hitter was ready. The sporty was about to land until THWOCK! Out of the park! And the sporty got kicked back to the UFO. Bam! Sports 1, aliens 0!
“O-kay,” the leader said, “now we should release attacker #2, the swordy because it’s as big as a sword.”
So he asked alien #97 to launch the swordy. Fire! Attacker #2 was shot.
Down below, there was a medievalism time fighting going on. Ding! Ding! The bell already had rang and the competers’ horses began charging at each other. And when they were pretty close the swordy got smashed and slingshoted back to the UFO. Crash! Medieval 1, Aliens 0!
“Dang!” the leader said, “I paid $107 for that glass! Oh, well time to release attacker #3, the cannonballer because it’s as big as a cannonball.”
So he asked alien #60 to launch the cannonballer. Fire! Attacker #3 was off!
Down below, someone was about to set off a cannon. “I can’t find any cannonballs here,” the man said. Then he noticed the cannonballer falling into his cannon. And when it did, his cannon collapsed like a domino. “Well, I have a cannonball but I don’t have cannon. Oh, well I can use the auto-cannon.”
Back in the UFO the leader thought he had succeeded with his shot. But when the auto-cannon shot, he did not succeed. “Dang it!” he said. “That’s it! I’m calling Samuel!”
Now, Samuel was an engineer with plans of anything. He dialed TYY-UII-AQEW. “Samuel’s company for plans Samuel speaking,” Samuel said.
“Samuel, this is the leader of alien evilness,” the leader said. “I need a way to blow up the Earth without failing.”
“No problem,” Samuel responded. “I’ll come right over in one second.”
“What took him so long?” the leader said.
“Greetings, L.A.E.” Samuel said when L.A.E answered the door. (L.A.E means leader of alien evilness)
“Alright, here’s the plan,” Samuel said. “We just use a big, pointy, spaceship and fly through the Earth then rest of planet just cracks and explodes! Simple.”
L.A.E just did this: b-b-b-b-b and said, “Kind of obvious but, I’m in.”
But what they didn’t know is that there is going to be TWO evil plans. If you want to know about the other evil plan, here it is, in the tallest building of the town, there was an evil guy named Dr. M.F.E (Or, just Dr. Michael Folio Earst) who wanted to block out the Sun from the whole world. He was brighter than not the humans, but the aliens. He had just finished his ray gun when he noticed he needed to work for 9 more hours. That’s a little less time from the aliens.
Want to see how they’re doing? Well, they just finished their big, pointy, spaceship and L.A.E asked alien #8 if the aliens need to work some more, and he replied that they have to work for 9.001 hours and L.A.E said, “9.001 hours? Are you crazy?! And stop calling me L.A.E!”
Oops, sorry. Anyway, after 9.001 hours, (Which would be 5:00 in the afternoon but it was actually 9.5 hours because alien #2 had to go to the bathroom again) both of them were done. You know what took them the same time? Well it turned out that Dr. M.F.E had a time delayer.
New! Time delayer device! Delays time!
Warning: Keep out of children of ages 0-3. Prices may cost to a fortune. Touching its eyeballs cause explosions. Very fragile. This means if you fart on it, it will still break into a million pieces. Maybe a billion. Doesn’t want you to sleep. Why I am I saying all these words?! Caution: do not read this small print: sales could be … $100, $250, $380, $490, $510, $740, $920, or $9,560. Who cares? What to matter about is blah blah blah blah yak yak yak yak Yabba Yabba Yabba Yabba. Hey! I’m trying to be funny, OK?! I know. I know. Sorry.
Anyway, the aliens were ready to drive their big, pointy, spaceship into Earth. And Dr. M.F.E was ready to shoot his … um … uhhhhhhhhh … oh yeah, his weapon.
Sssssay do you where you know where you get your weapon? Is that a snake interrupting this book? Because, if it was then he would have his poison sucked into his throat already. Yesssss it isssss I, Sssssydney the sssssnake. Here to uh, where did he go? Aaaaaack! PLOP!
I was trained by ninjas. And Dr. M.F.E’s uh, I don’t want bring up the snake thing again. Aw, man. Now Sid the snake is in the way. Oh, well let’s just hope he won’t talk.
Now where were we … great. I missed the big bang part. Now I’m going to start over. One day in the town in Wyoming … no, no. That was the first page. One boy couldn’t sleep … nope. And then he tripped on … where did that come from?
Oh, here it is … better cross out the w-word. —— was quick and so was the spaceship that was about to reach the ozone. And … Click! Bam! The spaceship crashed and exploded. Or maybe that alien #58 just crashed into the self-destruct button. And so the planet wasn’t destroyed. What is a planet anyway?
Epilogue: You still there? Great! If you’re curious, the epilogue is for you! If not, search down the words until you find another
* Alright, here’s what happened, “Where am I?” the leader said.
“I?!” Alien #1 blurted. “You mean us!!!”
“You?!” Alien #2 shouted. “I’m the only one that cares!”
*Alright, time to end this story. But before we go this book took days to finish. What kind of ending is that? The end.